Your 40s are when you come into your own; for me, it took until my 60s. I don't know how much time I have left - none of us knows that - but I know that I'm living in a better space and place than I ever dreamed I could live. Do I wish it had happened 30 years ago? Sure I do.
Am I glad it finally happened?
Some times. I still pinch myself to make sure it is me living this life, because every odd was stacked against me, starting with a Mother who hated me from day one. When your Mother doesn't love you, it's hard to believe that anyone ever will! I'm still working on that and glad that I am moving forward and living the life I dreamed of when I was a little girl.
I always saw me in this time and place, living this life, even though my Mother never missed an opportunity to remind me that I'd never amount to anything and that I always dreamed too big. Her favorite line was, "I never dream or want for anything and that way, I'm never disappointed."
She was wrong, of course. She was always disappointed by and in everyone else. She never really 'looked in the mirror at the biggest disappointment of her entire lifetime - her!
I promise you, Shannon, that you will look back on these most difficult of years one day and wonder, "How in the hell did I survive it all?"
You will survive because that is your destiny. That is the path you've chosen. You are climbing the steepest of hills and walking through the lowest of valleys because you cannot get to where you are going any other way. You chose a most difficult path before coming into this life because you knew, subconsciously, that you could endure and would survive. Your story is the one that will teach people the meaning of strength, wisdom, overcoming the odds, sacrificing and challenging oneself to persevere when all seems it is desperate and hopeless. You will prove the belief that what you want and what you need is within reach if you believe in your journey and maintain your focus, doubters and naysayers be damned.
I keep telling you that the book you will write one day will be transformative for you and those who read about your long journey to self-acceptance and healing (physically and emotionally). Mark my words, you will be victorious.