Trump Search for White House Communications Director Heating UP; Gentlemens’ Club May Be Losing Featured Headliner to Trump WH

“Everybody wants to work in the White House,” Trump said yesterday, as he stood alongside Swedish Prime Minister Stefan Lofven during a news conference at the White House on Tuesday afternoon.

“They all want a piece of that Oval Office. They want a piece of the West Wing. And not only in terms of, it looks great on their resume — it’s just a great place to work.”

My inside source copied the leading candidate from the “Approved” pile on Trump’s Oval Office desk and I’m happy to give you an inside look at what may be in store for our collective futures (I will use a pseudonym for the applicant to protect her privacy).

Application Highlights for WH Communications Director: (Approved)

Tina Nitwitter:

Statement of Work Experience Highlights: “For the last 3 years, I have been the Director of In-House Communications at the Champagne Room of the Down Low Gentlemens’ Club. Duties include (but not limited to): Escorting people to their couches; Communicating via walkie-talkie with the bar staff when additional champagne bottles are needed; Making sure that everything is tidied-up after each “meeting” and offering patrons a slew of excuses for communicating to their wives or significant others as to why they were late coming home for dinner. Was recruited to work here in 2015 and never looked back!

Education: Why? I’m doing well enough on my own; I made enough money to buy my condo by the time I turned 18!

Awards: Miss Tiny Tot Alabama — 2002; Little Miss County Fair — 2004; Miss Alabama Cotton Festival Princess — 2010; Scores Gentlemens’ Club: Best Halloween Costume for my rendition of a topless Statue of Liberty — 2013: Scores Gentlemens’ Club for my rendition of a bottomless Statue of Liberty — 2014; Down Low Gentlemens’ Club for my nude rendition of the Statue of Liberty — 2015. Down Low Gentlemens’ ClubEmployee of the Month, June, July, August, and September of 2016 and 2017 (floor was too cold for me to win during the winter months).

Volunteer Activites: Was an activist for Save the Tatas before I realized this was a breast cancer initiative and not an exotic dancer initiative.

Trump’s Notes on Candidate: Hope: Try to get a picture of her so we can see about scheduling her for an appointment. She sounds like she has possibilities. If her picture passes muster, I’d like to get her trained before you leave next week. She may be a bit young, but that also means she’s likely more pliable than most, and that is what we need more of around here. Also, mention we have a FANTASTIC healthcare package (we’ll wave the 90-day probation period) in case she wants to get her assets enhanced sooner than mid-spring! ALSO: Ask about the possibility of Private Room Discounts for dignitaries when the new Alexandria, VA Down Low club opens in mid-May! Let’s really move on this one!

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Humorist, political junkie, activist, resister

Humorist, political junkie, activist, resister