Satire

Dumbledore Sells Out Digital Cards In One Day

Ye and Eric buy most of them

ARecchie
6 min readJan 4, 2023

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Courtesy: Ruth Carter-Bourdon

Former President Donald Trump made headlines in late 2022 when he revealed his non-fungible token collection. The NFTs were widely criticized by non-MAGA critics, but saw huge demand from fans and collectors.

While many believed sales of the tokens would be used to fund Trump’s 2024 presidential run, it was announced yesterday that Trump plans to keep the windfall for his personal gain. Below is a sampling of a few of the offerings.

CollectTrumpCards.com

Here, Trump begs the impossible from his audience; to see him as a ripped, 120-pounds-lighter, superhero version of himself, capable of torching enemies with his sharp-shooter eye beams as he stands in front of Trump Tower, which we all know is a dream of his that will never find its way into his reality or mercifully, ours.

This isn’t the first time Trump had dreams of being a superhero.
The New York Times reported that he wanted to wear a Superman t-shirt under his dress shirt when leaving Walter Reed after his Covid incarceration. Mercifully, less clouded minds than his convinced him not to rip off his dress shirt to reveal the Superman t-shirt he was wearing underneath; Disaster averted.

CollectTrumpCards.com

Where do I begin with this one. Cowboy/Big Game Hunter/ Boorish man-child stalks the wilds of Zambia, looking for all manner of roadkill to claim as his own. We’re not talking about the occasional Lion or a Lemur; nope, we’re talking about a Cape Buffalo. Think you can’t find roadkill of that caliber lying prone in the middle of the road? Well, no one said you actually had to shoot one to claim one. Trump has an arsenal of equipment at the ready, including a Sikorsky S-92 VIP to assist with the kill. Trump travels with retired MAGA sharpshooters, as well as idiot twins Eric and Don Jr., who have a good aim and a knack for moving dead weight around — like their Dad — so he can pose with…

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