Trump Decomposes In Front Of Our Eyes And No One Seems To Care
Satire
It was a big week for the Donfather; deprived of food and drink in the courtroom, as per the law. That means that the former president was not allowed to guzzle his usual 11 Diet Cokes per day, depriving him of the sugar and caffeine he craves and needs to perform at optimal level on Truth Social.
Without the infusion of carbonated sugar and acid coursing through his veins, Benedict Donald sank into a stupor of his own making and fell asleep numerous times throughout the jury vetting, causing many observers to wonder if he had been deliberately drugged by his defense team to keep him quiet, or if he was just emotionally frazzled by not being able to pop and guzzle those diet bad boys.
Several times during the week, Trump mumbled while his eyes were closed, leading some to believe he was either meditating or dreaming.
I’m just going to go out on a limb, here and now, and state for the record that it was likely dreaming.
According to a court stenographer, who overheard the mumblings, here is what we know:
Tuesday morning, 10:15 AM: Trump’s chin slammmed on his chest as he muttered, C’mon, Melania, she didn’t mean anything to me. Your money’s on the nightstand.