Trump Daily Schedule Released by Anon Source; WH in Crisis

Image from Hollywood Reporter

White House insiders are buzzing with speculation about the identity of the anonymous source who released the president’s daily schedule to the public.

Vegas odds favor Mike Pence at 5:1, with Kellyanne Conway holding strong at 6:1. Steve Miller is closing in fast on Kellyanne at 8:1, while inside sources say he is likely to overtake the chipper chatterer, Conway, by day’s end.

The schedule, provided below, is riddled with several references to “Executive Time” — POTUS code for downtime.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

APPOINTMENTS & NOTES

7 :00 AM Turn over in bed. Try to avoid knocking Egg McMuffins onto floor.

7:30 AM Wake up and finish all uneaten Egg McMuffins. Remember to ask for Heavy whipping cream, if available, instead of coffee creamer on tomorrow’s breakfast menu.

8 :00 AM EXECUTIVE TIME: FOX & FRIENDS! Call Steve Ducycey? Doozey? Doocey? Douche and make sure he knows I am available for 2-hour live phone interview whenever he wants it.

8:30 AM FOX & FRIENDS!

8:45 FOX & FRIENDS! Tweet my base and let them know that Fox is right on the money with their assessment of my military chiefs colluding against me. Is that the COLLUSION the WAPO and the NYT have been reporting????? Sad…

9:00 AM Executive Time: FOX & FRIENDS re-runs from DVR!

9:15 AM Best of FOX & FRIENDS from DVR! Sit up and dangle feet over side of bed. Count toes to make sure I didn’t snack on any while sleeping in fetal position last night. Eat another Krispy Kreme donut.

9:30 AM FOX & FRIENDS rerun from today’s show! Executive Time: Call Mar-a-Lago mafia and get input for today’s twitter storm.

9:45 AM More FOX & FRIENDS from DVR!

10:00 AM Shower

10:15 AM Get dressed. Call butler to tie my shoes and make sure my socks match

10:30 AM Start long trek to Oval Office. Go by and say “hi” to kitchen staff and see if they have any leftover doughnuts from KK.

11:00 AM Sit in chair in Oval Office; Try to do a 360-spin without holding on to the chair arms and without bringing attention to myself. Look Ma; no hands!

11:15 AM EXECUTIVE TIME: Send 3 or 4 Tweets plus additional 2 on NO COLLUSION!!!

11:30 AM Tweet a jab at Nancy; mention she is un-American and a liar…also not too bright! SAD

11:45AM Executive Time: Call kitchen and ask about lunch; Tell them I’m having extra guests; more food for self!

12:00 Lunch in dining room.

12:15 Lunch in dining room.

12:30 Grazing

12:45 Grazing

1:00 Finish Grazing. Make sure mouth is wiped; take two Cokes for the road

1:15 Back to Oval Office. EXECUTIVE TIME: Call kitchen for snack tray

1:30 Executive/FUN TIME with Vlad, Demitry and Oleg

1:45 EXECUTIVE TIME: Read old copy of Mad Magazine that Roger sent me last Friday. Send back secret message to Roger after “reading” the funny send-up on “Dick Nixon Before He ‘Dicks’ You.” Hilarious!

2:00 EXECUTIVE TIME: Watch Fox News and Tweet some more

2:15 Afternoon Snack Tray to be delivered. Talk to chefs about adding triple-stuffed Oreos and King-sized PAYDAY candy bars; Need to nix the miniature bars. What’s up with that!!! SAD

2:30 Welcome GOP Supporters for official Meet and Greet. Make sure all checks are made out to MAGA campaign; DJT 2020 checks should be handed over to Don Jr.

2:45 EXECUTIVE TIME: Tweet about Roger Stone being a great guy. Mention “NO COLLUSION!!!” in Tweet

3:00 Send Tweet challenging Cohen’s mental fitness. Be sure to mention what a joke his father-in-law is. WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO INVESTIGATE HIM????

3:15 EXECUTIVE TIME: Challenge WAPO and NYT in multiple tweets… Just because…

3:30 Tweet several NO COLLUSION and WITCH HUNT messages to party faithful; FOX, and Press Corp!

4:00 Respond to tweets from loyalists — mostly FOX.

4:30 EXECUTIVE TIME: Call Giuliani to see if he’s managed to remove duct tape residue from his face after last week’s gaffes. If so, call Sekulow and instruct him to try GORILLA TAPE next time.

5:00 PACK IT IN FOR THE NIGHT. JOB WELL DONE!

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Humorist, political junkie, activist, resister

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