Trump On Suicide Watch; Police and Staff Tire Of Waiting For It to Happen

ARecchie
4 min readApr 26, 2024

Patrolman Joseph Costello (L) and Patrolman Candace Brome (R) stand guard behind Donald J. Trump in a New York courtroom as Trump enters the fourth day of his hush money trial.

Donald Trump / Pool photo by Timothy a Clary

With no Diet Pepsi allowed in the courtroom, Donald Trump is at wit’s end; evolving into a caricature of a defendant when he is at the mercy of a judge and the law, while unable to text on his iPhone.

The Apricot Antichrist complains, loudly, when he exits the courtroom every day by 4PM. “It’s a witch hunt; a scam; lies; pack of lies; many lies; too many lies to be believed; unbelievable lies and Lying Joe Biden is behind all of this.” It’s the same message every evening. He senses the press may be getting bored and he is, according to many observers, deeply depressed.

Unnamed sources from the Trumpestuous camp claim the former president is not eating his usual dinner of 2 Bic Macs, large fries, and a Diet Pepsi, washed down with two apple pies, and on warm days, a McFlurry. Yesterday, he shocked everyone by demanding a Burger King Double Whopper, large fries, onion rings, spicy chicken nuggets, and Jalapeno cheddar bites — rounding out the dinner with a large, hand-spun vanilla shake.

Those close to the Corpulent Clemintine expressed dismay at the change in his eating…

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