Pam Anderson Revises Poem She Wrote 14 Days Ago As Marriage to Jon Peters Disintegrates

Like a moth to the flame, I’m always ready for more chaos in my life.

A little over 2 weeks ago, Anderson sent The Hollywood Reporter a poem that read:

“Jon is the original ‘bad boy’ of Hollywood — no one compares -
I love him deeply like family.
His life used to scare me.
So much for a girl like me. Now I’ve seen more of life and realize ..
He’s been there all along. Never failed me -
I’m ready now and
he’s ready too — We
understand
and respect each other — We love each other without conditions. -
I’m a lucky woman. — Proof
God has a plan”

Now, in hindsight, Anderson realizes the poem was a huge mistake, so she has taken the liberty of explaining herself with this revised offering:

“Jon is the original ‘bad boy’ of HollywoodLike a moth to the flame, I’m always ready for more chaos in my life.

no one comparesNot Julian Assange, Rick Soloman, Tommy Lee or Kid Rock. I needed a real loser in my life and these aforementioned guys just didn’t measure up to my high standards.

I love him deeply like family — Of course, not just anyone can be considered family…just the losers, dickwads, drug addicts, whack jobs, playboys, insane Republican supporters (yeah, I’m talking to you, Kid Rock), and guys who couldn’t keep their dongs in their pants long enough to complete a coherent sentence before jumping my bones.

His life used to scare me — Now I just scare myself, so no need for hangers-on and those who think they can bring me out of the self-imposed, need-to-get-married stupor in which I consistently find myself mired. When the lights are on, the gates are down, but there’s no train in sight…I just can’t deal!

So much for a girl like me — And believe me, I know what “so much” is. I’ve been a wallflower most of my life and can barely function without a helping hand, so having a guy in my life who can validate my womanhood, who has been known for decades as a loose cannon and one who is consistently a few cards shy of a full deck was a lot for me to handle, but not out of the realm of possibilities for me; I did marry Tommy Lee, after all.

Now I’ve seen more of life
and realize ..
He’s been there all along —
Now I can start planning my escape from what surely will go down as yet another bad decision made in the haze of panic over my age, my dwindling finances and my inability to choose wisely.

Never failed me — Except when he did, almost immediately after we said our “I Do(s)” Hadn’t seen him in years. It seemed like a good idea to keep me in the headlines, grab a little cash for myself and hopefully, just maybe, it would work out.

I’m ready now — Sorta
and he’s ready too “There are beautiful girls everywhere. I could have my pick, but — for 35 years — I’ve only wanted Pamela. She makes me wild — in a good way. She inspires me. I protect her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated,” said Peters when asked about their upcoming nuptuals.

We understand and respect each otherAnd when I speak of “respect” I mean the deep, abiding respect that comes from him thinking with his johnson and me thinking that I need to respect my empty savings account and get some cash in it, pronto!

We love each other without conditions.Because what is love, if not a quick-acting reaction to panic, loneliness, bedding the woman you’ve lusted after but haven’t laid in a month of Sundays and for Pam — upgrading your address, staying relevant in the gossip rags and shoveling money under your mattress.

I’m a lucky woman — Hopefully, I’ll get a fat paycheck to keep my mouth shut, say only the nicest things about him and will move on to the next loser-in-waiting without a hitch.

Proof God has a plan — I do wish he’d get with the program and let me in on what his plan is for me; Marrying, dumping husbands, removing my clothes for cash and collecting alimony can’t be all there is in this life, can it God?

Said Peters, in response to the updated poem, “I never promised to be faithful, fair-minded, keep my temper in check, or love her until one of us departs. I merely said “I do.” Nothing more/nothing less. When I said “I do” I meant that I do whatever I want with whomever I want and when I want to do it. So, yeah, I stand by my original statement: I DO!

Humorist, political junkie, activist, resister

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