Orange JesUS; He Gets US

3 min readFeb 20, 2024
Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Not everyone can be a basketball super-star. Not everyone can hope to become so highly vaunted in whatever field they choose that the gods that be (I’m talking merchandising gods, here) will allow them the privilege of selling bullshit to bulls and no one is guaranteed to bat an eye or question it; just looking the other way suffices (I’m talking to you, Fox News)!

And that brings us to Donald J. Trump: The Poor Man’s Huckster Extraordinaire, the Penis of Palm Beach, the Prince of Pandering, The Whack Job of Washington, and the Republican Party’s nominee for President of the United States — doing what every presidential wannabe does in the midst of a presidential campaign — pimping out his new tennis shoes to the public in Philly at Sneaker Con the other day.

These are not just your regular run-of-the-mill baller shoes. These are the tackiest, cheapest, ugliest, Chinese-made (apologies to Make America Great Again fans) crap, masquerading as street style for the uninitiated and the uncouth.

Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP

C’mon now, take a look at the construction of those soles: One tight pivot on the basketball court and these bad boyz look like they would melt in their tracks. Note the cheaply-fused red and…