Elect A Clown; Expect A Circus

5 min readOct 25, 2019
Courtesy Candid Camera Funt Column

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls — Welcome to the DC Circus! Prepare yourselves for the acrobats, the colossal tumblers and the myriad of contortionists, high-wire acts and clowns as they await to enter the ring.

Pull up a seat, put your hands together, and welcome the cast of characters who have toiled long hours to make the show what it is…The Greatest Political Shit Show on Earth!

Ringmaster Donald J. Trump. He runs the show, no doubt about it. He’s loud, boastful and he gets the crowd to show their appreciation for each previous performance and primes the pump for the next outlandish act. When not working in the ring, he takes his skills on the road to every redneck stronghold in the Midwest and South.

Animal Trainer Bill Barr has his hands full every night. It’s not easy taming animals who are headstrong, easily distracted, constantly on the lookout for something to eat and who set their sights on the weakest among them. Bill knows a thing or two about keeping wild, feral, out-of-control beasts in check…he deals with Trump every day.

Clowns Don Jr. and Eric Trump really know how to entertain a crowd. Together, they are responsible for deflecting audience members from what is going on behind the scenes. They work hard to distract the public from their ringleader father by making incredulous and asinine statements to the press, other Trumpaholics and racist fat-wallet donors who are willing to listen to their drivel.

Every circus needs Wild Animal Acts that are willing to perform for the audience at a moment’s notice: Enter Fox News Talking Heads. They know their place under the Big Top; they know when to lash out and when to shut it down. They entertain audiences by regurgitating the ringleader’s suggestions, fabricated stories, lies and innuendo. It doesn’t take much talent to do this — just a willingness to deny the facts and follow their leader’s lead whenever he commands attention.

What circus would be complete without Girls on Horseback — Ivanka and Melania. Desperate to be noticed after losing their failing clothing and jewelry lines, respectively, these gals know…