Benedict Donald Leaks Top 20 New Year Resolutions
Take revenge on everyone who stole the election from me.
Move back into the WH in 2024 and remove losers Kavanaugh, Barrett and Gorsuch from the Supreme Court for misappropriation of thought — refusing to grant me the election that everyone knows I won AND deserved!
Get Mike Pence to come to Mar-A-Lago for a visit; Make sure he NEVER leaves.
Send Anthony Fauci a pipe bomb designed as a confetti popper for the New Year. Make sure return address has Biden’s name on it.
Drive Joe Biden insane with incessant Tweeting, challenging him to a duel in the Capitol. We’ll call it The Brawl in the Hall and we’ll put it on pay-per-view.
Prank call Nancy Pelosi every day, leaving a message about her days being numbered.
Convince Lindsey Graham that being MY Valet is eminently much more rewarding than a seat in the Senate.
Find new causes to bilk money out of MY incredibly uneducated and demonstrably ignorant supporters. Topics to consider:
- Make America Grate Again — Helping Wisconsin dairy farmers produce more cheese, because — like ME — The Cheese Stands Alone
- Save the Farmers — Doing God’s Work in the Fields while stuffing MY pockets with donor money
- Earmark foundation donations to go to the remodeling of the Southern White House — Mar-A-Lago
- Breaking Bread for America’s Neediest — Putting money into the pockets of rich fat cats like ME, who will need it now that I’m out of office.
- Start a new Super Pac: FLING (Feeding Losers In Need of Groceries). Make one-time contribution to food bank in Palm Beach; Bank the rest for a rainy day election campaign
- Establish LOVE Wins — Losers Offended by Voting in Elections — Use this money for mounting an information campaign against voting and installing ME in 2024 as the Greatest Ruler of ALL TIME.
Find the missing part of Mitch McConnell’s chin.
Egg neighbors’ mansions in Palm Beach who signed a petition to thwart MY ability to stay at Mar-A-Lago long term.
Set up an anonymous funding stream for Q-Anon and the Prowd Boiz, Prowd Boyz, Proud Boyz, Bugaloo Boiz or whatever the hell their names are.
Ride Kamala Harris into the sunset by relentlessly inferring she was born in India and came to this country, wrapped in a rolled-up rug meant for a World Market store, which was mistakenly delivered to some illegal Jamaican guy and his Indian wife’s house in Compton.
Start selling Michael Cohen RAT Traps on MY new website so when January 20th comes around, we can hold a mass raid on the Swamp in DC and capture all of the RATS (Republicans Attacking Trump’s Stature) who didn’t support ME in stealing the election.
Pretend to care about the masses when I’m rusticating at Mar-a-Lago or on the golf course, giving ME a touch of the common man mantle my disgusting Evangelical supporters want ME to wear.
