ARecchie
5 min readJul 6, 2022

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Satire

20 Washington Insiders’ Reaction To Don-The-Con Running In 2024

Undaunted, the Scion of Stupidity Soldiers On

Comedy History 101

NOTE: Donald Trump referred to these people by the names shown in parentheses when he was president.

Former President (Cheatin’) Barack Obama: “Here’s a guy who threatened Joe Biden with assault; thought the President of China, Ji Xing Ping, had a great gig as president for life, and actually said, ‘It’s freezing and snowing in New York, that’s why we need global warming,’ and you wonder if I’m concerned about the 2024 election?”

Sen. (Cryin’) Chuck Schumer: “Sure, I’d take him back; back to the womb!”

President (Sleepy, Creepy) Joe Biden: “You bet; bring it on! I remember when I was young, back when we lived in Scranton, and my Dad lost his job…”

Mike (Pounce) Pence: “Are you sure about that? Mother and I were talking at breakfast this morning and no one in her church circle has mentioned it. He can’t run! I need to be rewarded for refusing to negate the election results on January 6th. I need to be respected by this country. I need people to see me as the leader I imagine myself to be. I desperately need a beating heart, a viable brain and a ball sac to take me over the finish line.”

Sen. Raphael Warnock: “I’m a prayin’ man, so I’ll just say this: You can’t slit the throat of everyone whose character it would improve.”

Chris Keane/Reuters

Melania Trump: “Oh, great. now I can finish ripping the shit out of the Blue Room, the Green Room and my bedroom on the second floor. They’ll be renamed the Palm Room, the Spa Room and the Escape Room, respectively.”

Speaker (Nervous) Nancy Pelosi: “Oh for Chrissake, can somebody please schedule a meeting between that ass clown and me, and give me a handgun with a silencer that works?”

Rep. James Clyburn: “Now we need to learn a new way of communicating with this poser. We better order a box of Deez Nuts Matter t-shirts and send them to the members of the Congressional Black Caucus so we can wear them for our first meeting with that Boiled Pig in an

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